Real relationships thrive on imperfection in a world where perfection is often glorified. True love isn’t about finding the perfect partner; it’s about two imperfect individuals choosing each other, flaws and all, every single day. This willingness to embrace imperfection creates a resilient bond that weathers life’s storms.
You might have heard about this, Can it really be called love if it hasn’t crossed all the boundaries of passion? It sounds quite filmy, doesn’t it? In reality, such dialogues fit best in movies, where an imaginary story is blended with emotions and dramatized. In real life, the value of a relationship is far beyond these romantic notions. In truth, a true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to shatter —Tymoff.
At the heart of any strong relationship lies acceptance. Recognizing and embracing each other’s quirks and vulnerabilities fosters a sense of belonging. It shifts the focus from trying to “fix” the other person to celebrating who they are. For instance, a couple might laugh at their differing habits instead of letting them cause friction—turning potential conflicts into moments of connection.
The definition of a relationship has evolved with time. As new generations have taken control of their lives, we see new definitions of relationships emerging. This is because times have changed, and so have people’s perspectives. Social media influences people significantly, which can be positive and negative.
Here, we won’t discuss the generation gap and their differing viewpoints, as it’s not the main focus of this article. However, I would like to point out that while today’s generation may have different ways of thinking, it doesn’t necessarily mean their perspectives are wrong. The definitions they have for relationships may also be different. The main difference is that the negative influence of social media has impacted people’s thinking and altered their behaviors, which, in turn, has brought new definitions of relationships to light.
Nowadays, if you ask any young person what qualities they look for in a partner, you’ll often hear very common answers like, “Our vibes should match,” or “Our lifestyles should be similar,” and so on. Look, it’s not that these qualities aren’t important, but today’s youth tend to focus more on these aspects when finding a life partner. Now, if you actually ask them what these “vibes” mean, they might struggle to explain the concept properly. But in simple terms, it generally means that their thoughts and ideas should align, their lifestyles should be similar, and there should be complete freedom in the relationship without any restrictions.
As I mentioned earlier, there’s nothing inherently wrong with these thoughts, but social media heavily influence the concept of vibes that today’s youth often talk about. People have set their expectations so high after watching countless reels of fake relationships on social media that they struggle to find someone who meets those expectations. And even if they do find someone, they often fall short of meeting that person’s expectations.
The truth is, that young people don’t realize that the reels they see on social media, the ones they’re influenced by, depict a fake world created solely for views. These scenarios are purely imaginary and don’t reflect real life. If you take a closer look at the actual lives of social media influencers, you’ll see that their lives are far from perfect. In fact, your situation might be better than theirs.
In the pursuit of matching vibes, people are searching for true love. When they feel that their vibes align, they often mistake it for true love. However, they don’t realize that the scenario where they think their vibes are matching is an idealistic one—free of boundaries and restrictions—where they are imagining a life of their own. The point is, that they believe that the way their life is going now will continue the same way, and they’ll get along perfectly with each other. But in reality, no one can fully imagine or prepare for the significant changes that life undergoes after marriage.
Today’s mindset is often “live in the moment, for tomorrow is uncertain,” but this doesn’t change the fact that life is long and not a sprint but a marathon. In life, along with speed, consistency is crucial. Look, I’m not saying that matching vibes isn’t important, but I want to emphasize that it’s not the only thing that matters. There are many other factors that you should pay special attention to when choosing a partner. Let’s take a closer look at these aspects and understand which factors you should pay special attention to when choosing a partner. It’s worth noting that these are additional steps you should consider once you feel that your vibes are already matching.
How to Pick Your Life Partner
1. Family Vibes
Now that your vibes match, it’s equally important that both of your families’ vibes align as well. Your parents should approve of your choice, and your partner’s parents should like you too. This is very important because, as I mentioned, this isn’t an imaginary scenario like in a movie or social media, where only the two of you matter. Your families need to get along as well; after all, you can’t completely ignore them.
Living apart might not be as challenging as living together, and no matter how good someone is, there will always be some friction when sharing a home. That’s why you need to assess your partner not just from your perspective but also from the perspective of your family. You need to understand what your family’s expectations are and how well your partner meets those requirements.
Of course, their approval isn’t the only thing that matters, but it’s important to recognize that they’ve seen more of the world than you have. They might know things you’ve never experienced, so there’s no harm in listening to them. After all, after marriage, it’s the family that matters the most, and nothing else.
2. Talk About Life More Than Romance
Romance, love, and affection are certainly important, but having a relationship partner based solely on these aspects would be unwise. I believe that potential partners should initially discuss more practical matters rather than just romance. It’s crucial to understand how the other person truly is, and how they react in real-life scenarios, both when you are present and when you are not.
It’s important to assess whether they are living in an idealistic world or if they are serious about their life. Someone who understands the value of time will never be idle because they always have tasks and goals in mind. They will constantly think about how to manage their time effectively.
Your partner should be practical as well as logical. They should not only experience life but also learn from it so that when challenges arise, they can approach them logically rather than becoming overwhelmed. If both partners share this mindset, they will naturally find solutions to problems that arise in their lives. As for love, it should indeed be part of the relationship, but it’s not advisable to focus all your time solely on it.
3. Asses their Personality
Take your time to understand your partner’s personality rather than rushing to make decisions based solely on their behavior. Different situations can influence behavior; when things are going well, you might see a positive side, but their behavior can change drastically when circumstances shift. Assessing someone solely based on their difficult moments is not the best approach.
Instead, observe your partner’s natural personality quietly. Pay attention to how they react to small things, without forcing triggers. Observe their attitude in everyday life, how they interact with their family, and their behavior with people outside their home. Consider what they prioritize in their life and how dedicated they are to those priorities.
Also, note if they have habits that are very different from yours and whether they are likely to change those habits is very unlikely. Try to understand their daily routine and how they spend their free time. If you and your partner spend hours talking but still don’t get to know each other deeply, you might be approaching the situation incorrectly. Life is long and there’s plenty of time for conversations, but right now, it’s crucial to understand each other as individuals.
4. Focussed on Life
Focusing on life is more important than just spending time together. If you and your partner are dedicating so much time to each other that you lose focus on your own life, you might be heading in the wrong direction. A true relationship doesn’t mean talking day and night; sometimes, even a little time together can be sufficient to maintain a relationship.
While you both are important to each other, it’s essential to have other goals and priorities in your life that are just as important as your relationship. Life doesn’t run solely on love; it requires hard work and dedication to earn money and ensure that you don’t face any obstacles or shortages.
Your responsibilities include not just earning money but also living life well, which means spending valuable time with your family and friends, as they will be with you in the long run. Additionally, you should have your own aspirations that keep you motivated and prevent stagnation. Engaging in activities you enjoy in your free time is also crucial.
Find a partner who values both their own time and yours as much as you do. As for personal time, you will naturally have it throughout your life together.
5. Looks Can Be Deceptive
While it’s natural to want a partner who looks good and complements you aesthetically, beauty isn’t everything. It’s important to understand that some things that seem aesthetically pleasing may be decisive as well.
If you choose a partner who meets all your criteria, you need to realize that you’ll also have to meet their criteria, and there may be some areas where you don’t match up. Therefore, instead of seeking the most handsome or beautiful person, look for someone who looks good with you and has a decent appearance. Their nature, behavior, attitude, and personality will make them a beautiful person.
It’s crucial to understand that beauty is fleeting; it’s the companionship that remains. A person with a charming personality, which includes not just looks but also behavior and the way they speak, is a good choice. Being with someone who may look good but lacks these traits might not be ideal for maintaining a true relationship.
Instead of searching for perfection, look for a person whose imperfections you can accept and who makes imperfections seem perfect in your eyes.
6. Respect is Everything
In a true relationship, respect is paramount. No matter how good or bad your partner is, if they don’t respect you, you won’t be happy in that relationship. It’s not enough to just expect respect from each other; you need to observe how your partner treats their parents and others around them. This will give you a clearer understanding of their true attitude.
Respect is mutual. If you respect someone, you should also be given the same respect in return. If you don’t respect others, you can’t expect respect from them either. You need to gauge what values and beliefs your partner has regarding respect and how they handle these aspects in their life.
Also Read: 12 Powerful Ways to Define What Is Self-Respect in a Relationship
It’s important to see if your partner values your opinions and your work, or if they disregard them. Look for someone who not only respects you but also shows the same respect to your family, friends, and even those younger than them, just as they expect to be treated. This will ensure a more balanced and respectful relationship.
7. Money Saving Mentality
You’ve probably heard the saying, A penny saved today will become a dollar tomorrow. This is quite true in real life. A relationship cannot rely solely on love; life is long and you will need money for various needs.
Look for a partner who has a saving mentality and knows how to invest properly. Money is transient—what you have today may not be there tomorrow, so it’s important to save and invest wisely. A person who understands this will manage their expenses and invest their money wisely, benefiting both themselves and their family in the future.
On the other hand, someone who doesn’t appreciate the value of money and spends it frivolously may struggle in the long run. They might find themselves in difficult situations when they don’t have money, failing to support themselves or their family.
It’s important to distinguish between saving and being stingy. A stingy person might not be able to fulfill even basic needs due to their reluctance to spend. Ideally, you should find a partner who is not stingy but knows how to use money wisely. Adopting this mindset in your own life will help both of you maintain a good true relationship and handle financial matters effectively.
8. Develop Trust And Not Jealousy
Trust is something that develops gradually over time. Therefore, it’s not wise to blindly trust someone in just a day or a few days. Trust is a bond that can be broken in an instant if betrayed. Before trusting someone, you should thoroughly assess whether they are trustworthy. If you place your trust in the wrong person, they are likely to break that trust eventually.
If you trust someone, you must also have faith that they won’t betray your trust. If you continue to doubt them, you are likely harming the relationship and potentially preparing the ground for its breakdown. Trust is crucial in a true relationship; without it, your relationship cannot progress. Moreover, jealousy has no place in a healthy relationship. If jealousy becomes a factor, it can ruin what has been built over time. It’s better to support each other, encourage one another’s work, and guide each other on the right path. By doing so, you will both move forward successfully together.
9. Emotional Connect
You and your partner should have an emotional connection; without this, your relationship might remain merely nominal. Emotional connection doesn’t just mean sharing your feelings with your partner and receiving support in return. It also involves understanding and supporting your partner’s emotions so they can openly share their thoughts and feelings with you.
Emotional connection isn’t only about sharing problems to lighten your own burden; it also means understanding and addressing your partner’s dilemmas together. You should discuss both the good and bad times in your life, and make each other aware of your feelings. By doing so, you can build that emotional bond. When you support each other’s emotions, the connection will naturally grow stronger.
I often say that emotions are what make us human; without them, we would be no different from machines. If you’re choosing a partner, it’s crucial to have an emotional connection; otherwise, you risk being in a relationship where emotions are absent. Avoid such situations to ensure a meaningful and fulfilling genuine and true relationship.
Also Read: Self-control is Strength. Calmness is Mastery. You – Tymoff – 10 Powerful Reasons
10. Never Give Up Attitude
Do you know what the problem with today’s generation is? They give up too quickly. If something isn’t going their way, instead of putting in the effort, they find it easier to just give up. But it’s not entirely their fault. After all, their upbringing has conditioned them this way. Parents have fulfilled every wish without hesitation.
From childhood to now, whatever they demanded was handed to them the next day by their parents, without them having to work hard for it. The moment they shed a tear, parents, concerned, would rush to fulfill their every whim. This is why today’s kids have developed a habit of giving up easily when faced with even the slightest difficulty. They would rather give up than put in the hard work.
This mentality makes it difficult for them to progress in life because they don’t want to put in the effort. They think that if something comes easily, it’s fine, but if it requires work, they would rather walk away. Therefore, when choosing a life partner, it’s crucial to consider that your partner should not have a quitting attitude.
People with such a mindset will quickly give up on even minor problems in a relationship and prefer to escape the situation rather than manage it. Obviously, with such people, the likelihood of a long-lasting relationship is low. Both you and your partner should have the mindset that no matter what, turning back is not an option. Once you’ve made a decision, there’s no turning back—whatever needs to be done must be done together, whether you like it or not.
A True Relationship is Two Imperfect People Refusing to Shatter – Tymoff
You need to understand that no matter how much you analyze a person’s personality, it is very difficult to find all the qualities you want in a single individual. A person might meet some of your criteria but not others. For example, someone might be financially stable but not respect you, while another person might have a good nature but be financially unstable. No matter how hard you try, something will always be missing. So, what should you do in such a situation? If we consider a few points mentioned below, this problem can be easily solved:
1. Identify the Most Important Criteria
It’s clear that you won’t find all the qualities you’re looking for in a single person. Therefore, it’s crucial to identify which criteria are most important to you when choosing a life partner. You should have specific criteria to evaluate whether the person is right for you. These criteria should be divided into three parts:
Non-Negotiable Criteria: These are the qualities that are absolutely essential for you. Your partner must meet these criteria fully; otherwise, you won’t be able to move forward.
Important Criteria: These are qualities that are significant but not deal-breakers. If one or two of these criteria are not met, you can still consider moving forward. This category can include the wishes of your parents, friends, or other people who matter to you.
Optional Criteria: These are desirable qualities but not essential. If you find them in a person, that’s great; if not, it shouldn’t be a reason to reject them. These criteria have a lesser impact on your life.
Before making such a major decision, it’s important to list what is truly important to you and categorize them broadly into these three criteria. This approach will help you make a more informed decision.
2. Set Clear Expectations
Another important point is that you need to clearly set your expectations. You should communicate to your partner what you want, what is most important to you, and which aspects you cannot negotiate. On the other hand, it is also crucial for you to understand what your partner expects from you and what they find significant. If you present all your thoughts and expectations clearly to your partner from the beginning, it can reduce the likelihood of problems in the relationship.
3. Get Used to Each Other
You need to get accustomed to each other. You should not rush to make decisions about your life quickly. It is important to understand and evaluate each other and adjust to each other’s habits. Initially, there might be some difficulties in adjusting, such as accommodating each other’s ways and finding a balance between your own habits and those of your partner.
However, as you get used to living together, many issues will resolve themselves. It is crucial not to rush and to spend time together. As you become accustomed to each other, you will start to understand each other better, and an emotional connection will begin to develop. Therefore, taking this step is very important.
4. Non Terminating Bond
It would help if you made both yourself and your partner understand that the decision you are making is like a non-terminating bond. It’s a relationship where once you commit, there is no turning back. You both need to convey to each other that this is the most important decision of your lives, and there should be no room for doubt in the future. This is a relationship where making a U-turn is not an option, so you must approach it with the same level of importance and commitment. If both you and your partner understand this clearly, you will be able to walk the path toward a better life.
Relationships thrive when both partners actively invest in each other. Whether it’s through open communication, spending quality time, or resolving conflicts with empathy, these shared efforts lay the groundwork for a fulfilling partnership. Over time, this mutual growth creates a stronger, more understanding connection.
5. Clarify Roles
In any relationship, each partner has a role to play. If either partner does not fulfill their role, the relationship cannot thrive. These roles should have clear boundaries, with no one crossing into the other’s domain, and everyone should perform their role within their own boundaries. If this mentality is present in a couple, the likelihood of conflicts and arguments decreases.
Problems arise when people are unwilling to perform their role and expect their partner to do it for them. In a relationship where both partners are not fulfilling their roles and expecting their partner to take responsibility, significant obstacles can arise. To prevent this, it is crucial to understand the role you will play in the relationship and communicate this clearly to your partner, so they also understand and fulfill their role, and likewise, they should communicate their expectations to you.
6. End Goal – Two Imperfect People Refusing to Shatter
In the end, after all the effort you’ve put into making the most important decision of your life, you need to understand that you must not give up, no matter what. Remember, neither you nor your partner is perfect. You will see each other’s flaws, but you should not retreat. Instead of giving up on each other, strive to improve those flaws together and build an unbreakable bond. If one partner weakens, the other should support them. Face every challenge that comes your way together, and this should be your ultimate goal. A True Relationship is Two Imperfect People Refusing to Shatter – Tymoff
Forgiveness is the thread that holds relationships together. Mistakes are inevitable, but choosing to forgive keeps the bond intact. Forgiveness isn’t just a one-time act; it’s an ongoing process of letting go of resentment and focusing on growth. When partners forgive, they create space for healing, growth, and renewed commitment.
Conclusion
To Conclude, A true relationship is not like what you see in movies or on social media. Instead, it is a partnership between two Two Imperfect People Refusing to Shatter. A relationship means forming a bond that remains unbroken regardless of whether life brings good or bad times.
Real love isn’t about having everything figured out; it’s about finding joy in the messy, imperfect journey together. Each imperfection adds character to the relationship, making it unique and irreplaceable. True happiness lies in the knowledge that you are loved, not despite your imperfections but because of them.
Through this article, we have learned how the definition of a relationship has changed with time, and how a negative influence from social media makes it challenging to find a true partner. While we have outlined some techniques that may help in finding a good partner, it’s crucial to understand that this requires significant effort. Despite our best efforts, we may not find everything we desire in a partner. However, by keeping certain key aspects in mind, a successful relationship can be achieved.
