Disagreement is common, especially when your thoughts and perspectives do not align with others. However, there is no certainty about when a disagreement might escalate into a conflict. To manage such situations effectively, understanding the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model becomes essential.
Thomas-Kilmann refers to two psychologists, Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann ((The Myers-Briggs Company) who developed the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI). It was developed to help people deal more effectively with conflict situations and is based on 40 years of research and implementation by the authors.
Before understanding the model in detail, let’s peak through the study conducted by The Gottman Institute in their book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that uncovered many thought-provoking facts, some of which are listed below:
- 60% of the couples say that conflict is the primary source of stress in their relationship.
- An average couple usually has six arguments per week, but only one is resolved.
- 90% of divorced couples said the communication gap was a major factor in the breakup.
- Couples who use constructive conflict resolution strategies are 50% more likely to be happy in their marriages than couples who use destructive conflict resolution strategies.
- Couples who were able to resolve conflict healthily were more likely to be happy and satisfied with their relationships and be able to make decisions together.
The above statistics indicate that conflicts are quite common in relationships, and if they are not addressed appropriately, they can become quite stressful and problematic. Today, we will delve into Thomas Kilmann conflict resolution styles and conflict management techniques to better understand the 5 conflict resolution styles and best conflict resolution strategies based on the Thomas Kilmann model.
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model – Two-Dimensional Conflict Resolution Styles
The diagram above is a simple representation of the Thomas-Kilmann two-dimensional model of conflict resolution styles. The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is a conflict style inventory, which is a tool developed to measure an individual’s response to conflict situations. This model outlines 5 conflict resolution styles, namely: Competing, Collaborating, Avoiding, Accommodating, and Compromising. These five conflict management techniques are a result of two behavioral traits named: Assertiveness (Concern for Self) and Cooperativeness (Concern for Others), which form the basis for categorizing these styles.
What is Assertiveness and Cooperativeness?
As defined by Better Health Channel, Assertiveness is a communication style that involves expressing your feelings, thoughts, and opinions in a direct and honest way while still respecting others. It means putting your opinion and views strongly in front of others and demonstrating a reasonable Concern for Self.
How firmly you express your concerns in front of others matters a lot during a conflict. Some people have a calm and non-confrontational nature, making it challenging for them to express their opinions and thoughts, While, some individuals place such importance on their needs that they hardly listen to others. Assertiveness can be of two types:
High Assertiveness
A person high on assertiveness places significant importance on their concerns and may disregard the concerns of others if his views are not listened to in the first place. They consider themselves morally correct and ask others to prevail on their demands, even if it means ignoring the concerns and pain areas of others.
Examples of High Assertiveness:
- Dominating Conversation by interrupting others.
- Criticize and blame others’ actions or decisions.
- Controlling other’s actions, choices, or social interactions.
Low Assertiveness
A person low on assertiveness may find it difficult to strongly assert their views in front of others, even if they appear to be valid. Such individuals are often quick to compromise, even if means a sacrifice and an unsatisfied outcome. They face difficulty in standing up for themselves in challenging situations.
Examples of Low Assertiveness:
- Difficulty in saying “No” to others when feeling resentful.
- Avoid expressing concerns or disagreements to maintain peace.
- Readily accept blame, even when it is not justified.
Quick Tip:
It’s important to adapt your assertiveness level as per the situation. Sometimes, being highly assertive can be necessary, while at other times, being less assertive can be a better approach to conflict resolution.
Cooperativeness
Cooperativeness is a personality trait that concerns how much a person is generally agreeable in their relations with other people as opposed to aggressively self-centered and hostile.[1] The degree of Cooperativeness can be used to determine your empathy towards the Concern for Others, meaning how much you are willing to prioritize the needs and concerns of others above your own.
Your cooperativeness level defines your willingness to consider and accommodate the perspectives, thoughts, and opinions of others during a conflict. Some people may find it easy to cooperate with others after grasping their perspectives, Whereas, other individuals, might not want to cooperate at all because they weigh their concerns over and above other’s concerns. Cooperativeness can also be of two types:
High Cooperativeness
Highly cooperative individuals are willing to work with others to address their problem areas and concerns, even if it means sacrificing their concerns. They prefer finding a compromise that benefits both parties. Often, such individuals have a calm disposition and are interested in handling conflicts in a mature and composed manner.
Examples of High Cooperativeness:
- Prioritizing shared goals and compromising on individual goals.
- Find a common ground for a mutually agreeable solution.
- Believing in teamwork for achieving shared goals.
Low Cooperativeness
Low-cooperative individuals are usually unwilling to cooperate with others unless they have a personal motive involved. They lack interest in working with others to achieve a common goal, for them, their own goals take precedence. Such individuals are hard to please and at times it can be challenging to work with such people to achieve a common ground.
Examples of Low Cooperativeness:
- Prioritizing an individual’s needs and desires above others.
- Unwilling to compromise or find a mutually agreeable solution to conflicts.
- Avoiding open and honest communication.
Quick Tip:
Being cooperative can help in achieving a peaceful conflict resolution, but you need to be mindful that being highly cooperative can also lead others to take advantage of you.
If you want to deep dive into Assertiveness and Cooperativeness, please check them out directly in the link to the article explaining it in great detail.
Best Conflict Resolution Strategies Based on the Thomas Kilmann Model
In the Thomas-Kilmann conflict model, assertiveness and cooperativeness traits are used to define human behavior into 5 conflict resolution styles. These styles represent different approaches to handling conflicts. Let’s discuss these in detail one by one:
Competing (High Assertiveness, Low Cooperativeness)
Individuals adopting competing styles are highly competitive in raising their concerns with others during a conflict. They become so self-centered that they disregard the concerns of others for the sake of themselves. They are usually unwilling to cooperate with others until their interests are at stake.
Examples of Competing Style:
- Dominating a conversation to satisfy self-needs and desires.
- Making unilateral decisions without consulting others.
- Disregarding negotiations during a conflict resolution.
Quick Tip:
Dominating conversations with your partner using Competing Thomas Kilmann conflict resolution styles may often lead you to win the argument, but it can have huge negative impacts on your relationship.
Collaborating (High Assertiveness, High Cooperativeness)
Individuals adopting a collaborating style are high on both assertiveness and cooperativeness. They value the concerns of others as much as their concerns. Such individuals can firmly express their views and are willing to work with others to understand their concerns with the intent to resolve the conflict and alleviate the pain for others and themselves.
Examples of Collaborating Style:
- Engaging in open and honest communication and active listening to each other’s concerns and perspectives.
- Firmly expressing self-concerns while listening and acknowledging the pain areas of others as well.
Quick Tip:
It’s rare for both parties to collaborate while agreeing with each other’s concerns, It’s not necessary that what you expect from someone will always align with their willingness to do so. Conflict management often requires negotiations and compromise to reach a mutually acceptable solution.
Avoiding (Low Assertiveness, Low Cooperativeness)
Avoiding conflict management techniques involves individuals who neither want to assert their views and opinions completely and firmly nor want to cooperate with others to resolve the conflict. They are characterized by having low assertiveness and low cooperativeness. They simply believe in avoiding the conflict so that it doesn’t escalate further.
They are not interested in further discussions nor have any interest in negotiating to reach the common ground, they simply want to avoid the situation altogether and have no inclination to move the conversation forward.
Examples of Avoiding Style:
- Avoiding a conversation fearing confrontation or potential repercussions.
- Avoiding a conversation fearing resentments and misunderstandings.
- Giving up demands to avoid feeling hurt or disappointed.
Quick Tip:
I believe that adopting the Avoiding Thomas Kilmann conflict resolution styles can sometimes prove to be a good approach to calming down an escalated situation. When having a conversation won’t lead to a resolution and may escalate things further, then avoiding having a further discussion is a better choice in such cases.
Note:
An important point to note here is that avoiding a conflict doesn’t necessarily resolve it; it might temporarily remove you from that situation, however, it can resurface in the future if the underlying root cause isn’t addressed. Sometimes, it’s better to address the conflict sooner rather than later to find a lasting solution.
Accommodating (Low Assertiveness, High Cooperativeness)
Individuals using this conflict style are willing to compromise on their needs and desires and express agreement with the opinions and views of others to resolve the conflict. They find it difficult to firmly assert their feelings and are readily willing to compromise and accept other’s demands. Usually, they resolve matters by agreeing with the other’s opinion and not insisting strongly on their views.
Examples of Accommodating Style:
- Agreeing with other’s views to avoid damaging relationships.
- Not expressing views to maintain harmony and peace.
- Giving in needs and desires to avoid conflict.
Note:
It’s often relatively easy to get your point across to such people, and others can take full advantage of their generous behavior since they are readily willing to agree with others’ perspectives. Such individuals are kind-hearted, and that’s why they are readily in agreement in most situations, even if it doesn’t benefit them personally.
Quick Tip:
Whether adopting Accommodating Thomas Kilmann conflict resolution styles, resolves a conflict or not can vary according to the situation. Sometimes, you have to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of others, and perhaps that’s what this resolution style is all about. However, the question is how long this approach can be sustained.
Compromising (Moderately Assertive and Cooperative)
Having a compromising nature is what it takes to achieve synched harmony. Synced harmony involves firmly presenting your valid points and listening to the legitimate points of others. It’s about working together and being willing to cooperate with a mutual agreement on each other’s opinions, showing respect for each other’s thoughts, and being ready to compromise to find a middle ground.
Examples of Compromising Style:
- Finding a middle ground to resolve a conflict.
- Giving up on needs and desires to meet the needs of others.
- Prioritizing concerns for others above concerns for self.
Quick Tip:
While compromise may not always be the ideal solution in every conflict, when it comes to a matter involving family members or loved ones, it can often prove to be the best approach. Trying to please everyone or sacrificing your happiness every time may lead to disappointment in the long run. Therefore, finding a middle ground through a compromise is essential for maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.
Note:
Compromise is only effective when both parties are willing to compromise for each other. Otherwise, if only one of them keeps compromising while the other doesn’t, it may end up in a situation where only one continually makes sacrifices, and the other person takes all the efforts for granted. A healthy compromise requires a mutual effort, just like applause requires both hands to work together, similarly, harmonious conflict resolution takes effort from both sides to create harmony and peace as an outcome.
Conclusion
To Conclude, the Thomas-Kilmann conflict model gives more weight to the 5 conflict resolution styles in terms of their behavioral traits – assertiveness and cooperativeness. The use of these conflict management techniques can vary depending on the situation, which we will delve into in more detail in upcoming articles in this blog.
Meanwhile, please let us know in the comment section which are the best conflict resolution strategies based on the Thomas Kilman model that you would prefer for resolving conflicts and disagreements peacefully. Also, if you like our work then do share this article with others and subscribe to Synched Harmony for more related content!
