8 Hidden Features of High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness Collaboration Style

Let’s understand the High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness collaboration style through an example that I have taken from my personal experience where this technique was used to mediate and resolve a domestic dispute between my wife and my mother. I am sure you all must have been through such similar circumstances many times in your household. Let’s understand what happened:

I was raised in a strict family that follows discipline and rules. At our home, everything has a fixed schedule, be it the time for sleeping at night or waking up early in the morning. Breakfast, lunch, and even dinner have fixed times. These things have been consistently followed since my childhood and I have become accustomed to all these routines. My mother has been maintaining this decorum at home for many years and believes that it should continue even when the legacy is passed on to my wife.

On the other hand, my wife comes from a family where there is no hustle and bustle in life, and people have a laid-back attitude. She belongs to a business family where there is no fixed schedule and decorum. Waking up late in the morning and staying up late at night was her usual habit and that’s why adhering to a schedule is quite challenging for her.

After marriage, following a strict schedule became quite difficult for her as it was a significant change in her lifestyle and despite her best efforts, adopting this plan was quite challenging even though she had enough time to adapt to this change.

Like many Indian in-laws, my parents also expected that my wife would wake up early in the morning, manage all household chores, and complete all tasks on time. Now, this might seem normal, but for a girl who is not accustomed to following routines, it becomes a challenging task for her to handle all the morning tasks promptly and complete them on time. There have been several arguments at our home underlying this situation and gradually, these arguments escalate to a larger form.

Now, these conflicts started happening so frequently that it became difficult for me to avoid them. It became crucial for me to understand their pain areas and the steps required to be taken to alleviate them. My wife raised a concern that she is not willing to compromise on her morning sleep, and every day, she is forced to perform some tasks that are unnecessary and time-consuming, which often results in breakfast being delayed. On the other hand, having breakfast on time after completing all the household chores was something that was a non-negotiable ask from my mother.

When I listened to both of their concerns, I understood that some arguments were valid and non-negotiable for both of them and therefore finding a middle ground was challenging. I explained to my wife that waking up a little late in the morning doesn’t really matter much if the household chores are finished on time and the breakfast can also be prepared without any delays. So, if she can achieve this without compromising her sleep, then she won’t have to wake up too early in the morning, and it will keep my mom happy at the same time.

As for the other tasks that were identified as irrelevant during the morning household chores can be comfortably done later during the day and may be a possibility that it doesn’t required to be done every day. If it can prioritized for a later time then it can save a lot of time, which means cutting short on any unnecessary tasks and completing all the mandatory tasks on time thus making both of them happy.

This resolution addresses both their concerns without requiring them to compromise on their needs. Still, it will require them to cooperate to make this resolution work peacefully. It’s a good example of using the High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness collaboration technique, where both parties were highly assertive but also equally cooperative, which allowed them to resolve the conflict successfully.

Some of the important characteristics of High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness collaboration conflict resolution style are:

Why is Collaboration Important in Conflict Management?

Collaboration is very effective in conflict management because it requires a high level of cooperation among individuals who are involved in the conflict. Its importance lies in the fact that it creates a win-win situation for both parties, where the conversation starts with the promise of, “You listen to me, I listen to you” and ultimately concludes in a mutually beneficial manner.

How do you turn conflict into collaboration?

Using High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness collaboration techniques for conflict resolution can take time because you won’t agree with all the terms and conditions of the other party in one go. It will take some time for you to understand their perspective, and it may take them some time to agree with your points as well. However, using this technique increases the likelihood of resolving conflicts in many cases.

Furthermore, it also showcases your maturity level, as it demonstrates that while you are advocating for your rights on the one hand, you are also willing to understand the concerns of others. Usually, before opting for this style, you already have an idea that a competing resolution style may not be an ideal approach for resolving the conflict as you don’t want to risk hampering relationships. Still, at the same time, you also emphasize that what you are advocating for is not morally incorrect.

So, if you have to listen to others to make your point, what’s the harm in it, after all? But, as I mentioned, it all varies from situation to situation. If the opposing party is not willing to listen to you at all, you may end up compromising to some extent while using this resolution style.

When to use the High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness Collaboration style?

• Both Sides are Cooperating: You are reasonably confident that the other party will also cooperate. Otherwise, there is a risk that you will keep cooperating, and your cooperation may turn into a compromise without you even realizing it.
• Both Value Relationships: Secondly, when you have a sense that the other party also values the relationship as much as you do and is looking for a middle ground to peacefully handle the situation without harming the relationship.
• Morally Justified: When you know that you are morally correct, and you are not fighting for something irrelevant. This perspective should not be one-sided, but rather also from those who want the best for both parties.
• There is no room for Compromise: If you are fighting for something that cannot be compromised upon, then using this style can be a good approach as you’re not willing to compromise on your needs. It’s essentially saying, “I am willing to listen, and I hope you will listen to me as well.”
• Patience and Trust:  When you don’t want to rush into a decision and have trust that the other person will slowly but steadily understand your concerns and work towards addressing them peacefully.

Also let me know in the comments section When you think using the High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness collaboration technique can be an ideal approach to achieve conflict resolution.

Collaborating Conflict Resolution Style – The Story of Us, 1999